Sexting assembly today. Fuck yes
I accidentally told him I've been cheating on him with his brother last night.
How did that happen by accident?
I was drunk and vomited all over him and thought, "maybe he will just stay with me out of pity if I tell him with stomach acid and alcohol all over his crotch." I was wrong.
There's a Cowboys game and a Rangers game on at the same time...talk about Sophie's choice
my mom just used "raw dog" in a sentence correctly, time to move out.
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Code red. She won't talk to me. Maybe it has something to do with her raccoon eyes. Perry said there was a brief moment of towel fighting until you passed out. Did you draw the turtle on my ass?
I couldn't tell if they ere dancing or fucking but they won the costume contest
He's living a porn movie. He's slept with a waitress at her work for lunch, a bar tender at the bar that night, and the cleaning lady the next morning.
smoked some of that legal weed last night, felt like God himself legit bent me over his knee and spanked my ass. Never again..never.
I got unbelievably drunk yesterday, need some time off. Apparently pulling your balls out to make your buddy's girlfriend miss beerpong shots is frowned upon.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We were getting breakfast he shit himself in the middle of ihop. Mid bite he just yells out o fuck.
Someone had to wrestle her in the chocolate pool, I'm glad I was man enough to step up and do it
He drove me to my therapist appointment because I was too drunk to drive. Total keeper.
Just reached for my phone in my non existant pocket while it was in my hand.
I made out with the hosts' boyfriend, infront of her, drank way too much, slept in my car and convinced everyone that I'm really a nice person. If that's not skilled lying, I don't know what is.
i should probably stop doing things just because i think they’re funny. i’m not going to.
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