thursday was literally the first time i didnt drunk eat since the bush administration and it was only because i was fucking someones boyfriend. making a mental note to do that more often.
Did you not learn anything for "HERPES SCARE 2010".........
You are such a cockblock sometimes
You NEED a cockblock sometimes
Worst walk of shame everrr. Hopefully the thought of me walking 20 minutes in the freezing cold with someone else's sweatpants, a bra on & high heels will cheer you up today.
Oh god there are people jogging. Fuck off productive people, you don't know me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
But seriously, I hug most of my drug dealers.
I drove two hours just to throw up on myself today at the beach. My family saw the whole thing and my younger cousin cried
Just saw you in traffic. You may have noticed me, I was the corpse driving the white car.
I'm getting kicked out of the place we're at. They don't like ketchup on their walls..
Btw. Being a stripper for a week without anyone knowing to pay off my school loan is no longer in my agenda.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I woke up without my clothes on covered up with a towel on the floor because for some reason I took a bath in my clothes at 2am.
My dad just asked if I could bring snacks to jail this weekend. Like what does he think this is, some type of adult play date?
Masturbating during the Olympics and cumming during the national anthem really is everything it's cracked up to be. Just thought you should know.
I walked in and found you petting your fish outside the bowl, you said its fine, you do this all the Time.
one nice thing about being home: no walks of shame, just drives of shame
It’s a hundred kinds of wrong to do Jell-O shots at home alone. Right?
I support drinking alone. But Jell-O shots. That’s a game changer.
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