You're the only person with a favorite bar in Disneyworld
Just wanted to let you know that I always win at "whose ex is crazier" because of you.
we just got kicked out of the mexican restaurant. i have a full pitcher of margarita's hiding under my coat.
My grandpa is giving me detailed instructions on how to fight a second floor bedroom fire from a ladder on the out side. Just in case
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Apparently my downstairs neighbors don't much appreciate it when I do drunk aerobics at 3am on a Wednesday...
Trust me I was high for like 5 years...I got this
Someone left their drag queen on my couch. On the plus side, he sure does know how to make a mean cup of coffee.
It's like a booty call, except its for tacos...and you're my brother.
There was a pumpkin carving contest and we carved a very realistic dick about to penetrate a vagina. Our Christian Youth hosts were not happy.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Somebody really needs to come home and pick up the used condom from the middle of the wood room floor. It's blue, if that helps decide who comes - uh, home.
I'm curious as to what my outfit choices drunk me made for this weekend.
At this point, I'd date an ax murderer. So long as he doesn't cry all the time, have ED, or leave me with his unspayed cat. My list of requirements is becoming increasingly specific.
Sorry I've been a slutty nightmare this week
Ok well my life just seems more exciting by default because I'm dating my married boss and sexting with my ex
Do the security cameras outside your house capture sound? If so your whole family is going to hear me describe my threesome
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