And she was only 16?
You say that like it's a bad thing.
in spanish class. the girl next to me asked what Galapagos were. i told her they were islands. now she thinks Galapagos means islands in spanish
just got my tax refund and at bell. how do you say i want a grand worth of 5 layer burritos in spanish?
I started singing the national anthem on a train in London. Happy 4th of July assholes
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No idea how he made them, but vodka water balloons were a horrible idea.
she's drunk at 2 in the afternoon again. at least my mother is predictable.
I've been at work 30 min broke a paper towel holder a chair set a box on fire and fell down twice. Hungover Brian just reached a new level
You just threw your burrito at the passing teenage couple and yelled "It's never gonna last" of course your were a shit show
I just had really awesome sex bent over the side of an air hockey table. That is all. Happy thanksgiving.
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Doing 9 month old dishes in my bath tub. These dishes literally had enough time to gestate a human child
I met a gypsy today. She told me my soul animal was an owl and says she will now remember me as "Owl Girl".
He is more interested in finding his sweater than he is in having sex with me. It better be a great fucking sweater.
Ultimate fat girl moment: I promised him my mouth for the night if he bought me a funnel cake..
I have more important things to worry about than you drowning your cheerios in tequila.
Did you see her happy birthday to emily on facebook? The gist of it is like: hey emily you almost died at birth im glad you didn't. love mom.
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