just spent about 3 1/2 hours looking for a dollar so I can buy weed.
suggestion: become a stripper.
I think need to divide my DVD collection into "movies I've seen" and "movies I've only seen during sex"
Its like everytime i see you, my vagina gets a heartbeat.
He's trying to row the canoe up my front yard like he is Lewis and Clark.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Okay Im going to go have some sex apparently. I hope this chick is prepared the zero effort Im going to put into it.
I put bits of fruit cocktail in the jello shots i made because i knew that they were gonna be the only thing we ate all day
they call him Oral-B. enough said
This is irresponsible on your part, leaving me alone in a bar.
Walk of shame. Stopped at an estate sale on the way back to the house. Old lady pulled a condom wrapper of the back of my hoodie. beat that
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have to date her we need a place to stay for tailgating
We're gonna be late. Scott went too far predrinking amd tried pierce his own lip with a poptab. Save me a beer, i'm gonna need it.
I'm literally beginning to think that my sex dreams are prophesies
He sent me a snap of him eating a tamale shirtless. I think I might be in love.
LOCK HIM DOWN.
The notary thing was a good idea. I can charge $2 per signature. I'm currently being paid in beer.
I'm really sorry I bit your mom last night, it was completely uncalled for.
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