Seriously, I would hit on barney the dinosaur right now if it meant I was going to get laid.
he was sending me dirty texts but i was watchin nickeloden and couldnt get into it
im ashamed your my cousin
I'm having sex on a snuggie, yes i stopped to text you
I just inadvertently flirted with my coworker's 20-year old son. I've known him since he was 14, yet suddenly he looked different.
You are nothing if not reliable.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I mean... It's a win/win situation. I mentor the kid for an hour and then I get to fuck his mom. I know deep down I'm helping them both
Everything tastes like Lysol. Am I dying?
Who showers for four hours?!
It was like a tropical nap.
He just snapchatted me a picture of his cock. The angle makes it look like a freakin skyscraper. Thinking of photoshopping a little monkey on it.
I'm so drunk. Liken realign drink
Like really drunk?
Or did you enjoy repositioning your drink?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Have you seen him ? Seriously. No one is that straight.
This chick just walked by and pet my beard. Don't know, never talked to her. She just walked by and pet my beard.
Marry her
Are you trying to say I've made an emotionally well rounded transformation similar to the Grinch?
Bring me pizza. I'll trade you your underwear you left here for 2 slices.
Ah Christ I think I've reached the single life mentality 100%. I just inquired a photographer about a photo shoot with my dog.
Just opened my sisters laptop to "cute places to lose my virginity" googled last
Randomize