My sis friend said it was fake then described it as "scary"...greatest adj ever applied to my dick
Not only did I see you last night, you had me help you meet women by convincing them you were deaf and only I understood your sign language
Stuck in the Dallas airport. At the bar. Everytime a flight to DC gets cancelled, I'm takin a shot. Fuck you snow.
this is no time to have dignity 4/20 is coming
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So... i mean if they do have cameras in his apartment buildings pool room atleast we gave them a little show.
i feel like his penis is a security blanet. i cant fall asleep unless its in my hand
Careful when you walk in I'm laying by the door.
Boxed wine mondays was one of our finer ideas
I tried to get you a girl. They want us to cook breakfast though
Lolll I'll be sleeping
I'm practically buying you a 1 way ticket to pound town.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My nephew just told me I smell like apathy and regret. Thats the hangover I'm dealing with
We stayed up until 4:20 AM. The next thing I remember was waking up at 4 PM, like my internal alarm clock knew.
When you turn your data bak on you're gonna get a pic of a nipple but it's not mine
In other news, people don't judge you when you buy a vibrator if you buy a funny birthday card and bag with it. I learned that this weekend.
Dude you literally tried to cook your phone in the microwave. You were so wasted you asked your mom to help you turn it on.
One of my pillows is missing but it's cool because there is a beef stick.
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