dude you were so wasted last night you ate a sandwich made out of tomatos, cheese, doritos, salt & pepper. Then you heated it in the micro for 5 min to melt the cheese.
We're official. Living with your boyfriend sounds so much better than fucking your roommate.
Oh right she's pregnant - that's why all of her statuses have been uber depressing
he said no sex till date three. i said the party was one, mcdonalds two and that i would take him with me to buy cigs for date three.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
way to not show up for Habitat for Humanity, real classy...
I saved lives by not driving this morning
All I remember was after sex she kept trying to take pictures of my dick "for memories"
It was just a reflex. BOOM I kicked her in the face
She gives the worst handjobs, it was like raw meat on a cheese grater
I'm gonna go to bars and pick up women hopped up on democracy.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just want school to he over so we can build a big tent, do drugs inside it, and watch cartoons until the sun comes up.
That's all I've ever wanted.
dude you literally had like 30 screwdrivers, i thought you were gonna die
that explains why my vomit smells like it came from florida
He fingered me in a Waffle House bathroom and then stole a traffic cone. Is this love that I'm feeling?
no we have a special triathlon I'm entering us in. drinking, fucking, and sleeping. I think we have a good shot.
i'm gonna friendzone myself so you dont have to
Um, It's tempting but I'm not into coke or farmers.
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