i threw up in over 4 different places last night. it was like a world tour
I showed my boss the "She Wolf" video. He sent it to all his friends and told me to make us martinis...thanks Shakira and keep it up
You would think that an uncircumcised man would understand how the hood of a clit works.
You peed in the parking lot while a car was was waiting behind us. And when people walked by you proceeded to say "careful you might slip"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
im drunk. people are steering their children away from me. whatever it is that you called for, I assure you that I don't care. have a good night
Nothing like a marijuana chart of usage in each country to make me understand math.
I think I'll handle my grief by throwing myself headlong into lesbianism. Seems like a fitting tribute to you.
I can officially say I had a blunt rolled on my ass
I just bought us acid. I'm like the drug tooth fairy. Get ready to wake up with a sweattart of acid under your pillow.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Do you think there are two dudes living in an apartment somewhere that go to the store and call it Brocery shopping?
Oh god...probably.
Dude! We had to write our address on your arm in permanent marker so you wouldn't get lost. You just showed the cabbie your arm and he drove you! Nice guy.
And on the first day of my adult job, I matched with one of my co workers on tinder...
I've covered myself in body paint in the likeness of R2D2 and I still didn't get laid. Please explain.
Tell him you want to lick his face. Didn't work for me but might turn out better for you idk
The amount of guys I've turned down for you is disgusting... You better love me.
Randomize