Having kids is risky. They might end up weird.
Answer the phone when I call you in a second. Just got pulled over for getting road head, going to secretly put you on speaker phone, this should be good
We had sex on a ferris wheel in canada, our relationship will never be the same
Who would win... a chainsaw pooping pterodactyl or a bear with machine guns for feet. big debate about this right now
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My ex best friend's ex fuck buddy is visiting. There was no other option but day drinking.
there were staples in my comforter. what kind of sex did we even have?
Im pretty sure you told the waiter at Dennys last night to take your pants off or show a nipple.
My Saturday dick is so much more impressive than my Tuesday dick.
Thanks for not locking your door. I had to pee and there was a random person throwing up in my bathroom so I used yours. \nPS I stole your soap
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Look, all I can tell ya is I want to drink wine out of a bottle while you eat me. It would be the most fantastic end to finals week. Maybe ever.
I'll pay you back with progressively deviant sexual favors.
How exactly does a handjob become fancy?
Blueberry lube, and champagne.
he yelled at me like a drill sergeant while I quickly tried to take off my pants
You chased a rabbit then knocked on a police car and asked the cop "if he saw where that little bastard went."
Grandma keeps pulling a bottle of captain from her pocket and spiking people's drinks.. She just yelled "I'm DAMN HOT to be a grandma!" .. I LOVE HER.
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