I got drunk and applied for two credit cards last night. About to find out if anyone in this world is still dumb enough to give me credit.
47 days without vaginal penetration. Im pretty sure it's grown over.
Do you realize that if your cunt was a missing person it would be assumed dead?
We were sexting and then the radio announced robert pattinson would be playing kurt cobain in a movie and it totally killed the mood
Just threw up at the bar from the heat. Fun change of pace.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
my car smells like vomit and bananas. this can't really be my life.
it was not a walk of shame, it was a ferry ride of shame, and i'm not ashamed, so technically it was just an early morning ferry ride. wearing yesterday's clothing
and semen
Hooked up with 8 guys, puked 4 times, got a few bruises, and my face is still numb... I think this visit has truly impacted my college decision
my mom just left...time to break out that water bottle of wine that I sewed into my teddy bear
He walked door to door asking if anyone needed to get laid. Surprisingly, that ended his drought
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm rearranging all my life goals to become a billionaire by 28 and batman by 30. Not kidding.
WE SHOULD FUCK TWO GUYS THAT LIVE TOGETHER
THAT WOULD BE SO CONVENIENT WE COULD CARPOOL
I'm a sociology major remember
Well that and comm
Basically you majored in how to get laid
I hat to flip my "days since last bad decision" chart back to zero. So...yeah. Sigh.
That portable toilet under the bed? Turns out it was a tuba. Explains alot.
You know that we wouldn’t even be talking about all this if you would have kept your candy consumption judgement comments to yourself.
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