I'm gonna have a badass scar
The money shot is kinda like the "The End" part of a children's book isn't it?
The lawn was on fire, but I fixed it.
I've realized that you're the only friend i can rely on to drink with me any given day. i thank you for that.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I was cleaning out my bag and I found some xanax wrapped in plastic with a note that said "use in case of emergency"
Apparently I had an idea for a cooking show and then proceeded to throw cookies at people.
just heard a glass bottle fall in lecture and my first thought was to yell party foul.....is it friday yet?
Nothing says walk of shame better than a onesie and a 12 pack of corona..
She's an honest to god fucking ballerina. She did things I don't have names for.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We fucked in my trunk while on the clock....what did you do at work today?
Thought I was doing makeup today for a photo shoot for a short film. WRONG. Try I'm on the set for a Fucking Sci-Fi PORN.
Yeah. I made eggs in a microwave. I think that's an accomplishment this week, MOM.
Oooo yea. You face planted on my bed but only half your body made it so you noodled onto the floor but kept saying prepare to be murdered which is when you started taking your pants off but stopped at your ankles cause it was too hard
My uterus is doing all sorts of karate moves to break free of my body.
Hey, what's the French word for when you meet your boyfriend's friend and you have that gut feeling that you smoked pot naked in a hot tub with him at a house party years ago?
Randomize