I woke up this morning really drunk with my Christmas lights on and two owls in my bed.
Nothing like studying in the College of Communication to make you realize how smart you are.
theres always time to masturbate. my grandpa taught me that.
I think forcing your little sister to drink with you on a Wednesday when she has school the next day is the low point of alcoholism.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You're gonna die alone anyway. Even if you do meet a man, they die earlier than women. Best case, you have to deal with grieving over his death and then die alone a couple years later. Worst case, you get a terminal illness and he divorces you, leaving you to die alone anyway.
Thanks, mom.
I'm not going to pass up the opportunity to be half naked and covered in glitter without facing judgement or legal prosecution. I'll be there.
Dude you chased a girl around the yard and then fell over the curb. Face first. You got up on your own tho so you reached champion status
At least is you came to Milwaukee to visit me you'd get the best mind blowing sex of your life and free wifi. Who doesn't want free wifi!
I did however clean up the cupcakes and vomit so I'm not that bad of a roommate
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i found waldo and immediately set him to work eating me out. please have more out of season costume parties.
Like who needs a job and family when you can get drunk for free with strippers?
We had a moment of silence for all of the orgasms he gave me with his beard before he shaved it off.
What did we do last night and why in the fuck were there carrots in my pocket?
She complained to dominos last night for hanging up on her, and then she wrote "fuck you dominos" on the receipt when we got our pizza
So we are banned from the campus dominos
She calls him the walking dildo to his face. That relationship is already fucked up.
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