Yo I'm just eating dinner now. U ready to go out?
Ya ya. Where you eating?
Cereal and beer. U kno u want in.
WHO ATE OUR COOKIES WHAT THE FUCK THOSE WERE GOURMET
Pretty sure I just slept with Elmo.
We just stood on the porch wondering how you managed to puke up a whole piece of bologna
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm so hungover I took Dramamine to help prevent the motion sickness of walking.
A letter to the campus apologizing for being sucha cunt with a picture of her head on it. All posted around campus.
You better be coming back...your date is passed out in a shrub in my backyard and I'm pretty sure her shirt is on my kitchen floor
My halloween constume SCREAMS "Hey i just got done with a shitty relationship and I'm DTF"
At least she'll always have a story about the time she showed up to the emergency room drunk and covered in chocolate syrup on her birthday.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
At some point you realize they're vacuuming and you still have to sober up. Please find me a boyfriend thanks .
Seriously, don't even. "Hi, have I seen you half naked covered in bright red body paint on the internet?" is NOT acceptable water-cooler chit-chat.
Aw.
We ended up at a lesbian bar and all my co-workers tried to get me laid. This is not how I envisioned coming out.
Do u ever find yourself high af, watching American ninja warrior and crying at the athletes stories?
I mean, if there was a version of you with a penis, you'd fuck it...right? Like just outta curiosity at least
By the time I realized I was watching a Danish porno with muppets it was already too late
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