so... how was it???
he had bart simpson sheets. he had itunes on shuffle and "don't worry be happy" started playing when he took his boxers off. sad to say i was neither worried nor happy
My astrological sign? Vagitarius.
you sent me the whole alphabet, one letter a text. it took 15 minutes to read them all
This girls' body was nothing short of spectacular...her face, was like the '09 Detroit Lions
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Man THE POSTAL SERVICE is awesome when I'm high..... But they suck when I'm sober.
I wonder what gingers are like in bed...as awkward as their hair or just as unique as it...?
I'm in the grocery store cradling a box of wine like it's my firstborn, so of course this would be the first and only time I've ever seen my boss outside of the office.
She narrowed it down to 7 guys that could have gotten her pregnant.
You should've come out last night, I need someone to explain why the bartender tried to strangle me...
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all I know is I'm really rwfly really really stoned and a bunch of Korean people are yelling at me
You walked in wearing nothing but a beekeeper mask
Never drinking again. Maybe, if our boss gave us more 3-day weekends we would know how to handle ourselves. That was a shit show.
he kept insisting he didn't have my number, so i called his phone and my number came up as "yeaaaaaaaaah!"
There is a huge fucking spider in my bathroom....I can just burn our apartment down right? What do you need me to grab?
I think I came out of my blackout as I was ordering wine from the private wedding reception.
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