I can tuck mytits in my pants
i mistaked the back of her knee for her vagina
do you know how scary it is to wake up in a CATSCAN machine after a night of drinking?
I took both his daughters virginities. There's no way he won't give me a job
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
there was some random girl that nobody really knew, standing in the corner trying to shave her armpits with a plastic butter knife.
Also, I don't remember opening my gifts from my family. It was cool when I woke up with a new ihome.
Tomorrow is Have Sex and Climb A Mountain Day. We have amazing dates.
Never thought I'd say this but the maple syrup flavored vodka probably wasn't our best idea
I just got my beard fondled by a drunk chick outside the venue. I feel slightly violated. And I think her boyfriend wanted to fight me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
you were so blacked last night that you jumped in the lake fully clothed, then just went back to the bar and walked around like you weren't soaking wet.
You were so high that you only FaceTimed me so that you could stare into your own eyes and not actually say anything
He made me put my cow print vest and my cowboy hat from my ' sheriff woody' costume and said I'll show you a woody. What I charmer huh!? I love make up sex
I can never have sex in Utah again. The altitude had me breathing like a fat kid going up stairs.
I don't know how it started but we all ended up shirtless andI was covered in crawfish and wearing a sombrero.
Come home... I’m drinking and playing with knives
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