I hope he doesn't find the chex mix when he takes my shirt off.
I think it's time we have the "weird fetish" talk.
I stole so many things from the ER last night.
And now thanks to shrooms we all got a terrifying glimpse of what goes on in his head. I will not say I didn't see it coming when it turns out he made a suit out of people's skin
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Eating a chocolate bar and crying over a cobweb. Life is beautiful and I love shrooms.
I'm just waiting for the avalanche of beef.
It's been two dates and she just invited me to her aunts funeral. I can't even. Who the fuck does that? I need to drink I'm coming to get you in 5
Post breakup Disney World may be my best idea ever! Tinkerbell just grabbed my dick and gave me a kiss! This really is the happiest place on earth!
I don't know bro. If a girl makes you cum hard enough that you pull a back muscle, she might be the perfect one to call for a massage on said muscle.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Trying to figure out why my back is hurting. And then I remember I got fucked up against a tree last night
Okay, maybe filling water balloons with vodka was not our best idea.
Update on my sex life: my calves are sore from masturbating too much. It's a thing. Look it up.
Just checked out of walmart with a 30 pack of Budlight and a wiffle bat. Hello, Monday night.
only 4 hours until nug lovin time
excuse me?
nug lovin. lovin nugs.
Just got an x-ray done of my hip and you can clearly see the outline of my penis in it. When the doctor saw it she said "wow I haven't seen one that big on an x-ray before." Pretty sure the doc and the nurses are going to be talking about me on their lunch break.
Randomize