im watching my roommate bang this girl. she doesn't look like she's any good, because he has a bored look on his face...
I stood up and a chip flew out of my shirt and landed in the chip dish. I just walked away.
Yeah, I have to wait a few months then take a sample in, I asked the doctor if the sample could be wiped off my wife's back...i told her he said face only.
They thought I was the paid stripper pretty much, and a lady tried to set me up with her nephew and then wanted to get my number for lesbian daughter... A typical night for me
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Wife passed out. Doing shots with the hot bartender... Don't tell me I don't know how to celebrate a 1yr anniversary
he has the hands of the vagina gods.
I finally got out of bed at 8:30pm and my little brother informed me that I had cereal stuck to my back. I'm going to smoke a cigarette and go back to sleep.
I'm making a date with someone on Playstation Home. That's how my sex life is going right now.
Either of you know why the shower was on and the bathroom door wide open with no one in there at 6 in the morning?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just offered a cat a "drinky drinky" I'd say my night has started
If I got paid for every bad decision I've made I would be one rich bitch by now
So glad I can hide money in my wallet and drunk me is too stupid to find it. Hangover sushi ftw.
Sitting in my junior high parking lot high on ambien talking to a stranger I met on tinder. What is life?
What’s the level of adulting when you reschedule a dentist appointment to have a threesome?
Oh my fucking god!! There is a barefoot white guy with a fucking ninja sword in the middle of the street next to the pride gas station swinging his sword at peoples cars!! He almost got me. 3 people swerved off the road and stopped. I told a cop.
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