I'm going to use my one free fuck up card tonight.
What'd you do?
Its more like what im about to do.
so my mom just told me that she wouldnt pick me up and take us to taco bell at 3AM...
We were having sex on the balcony and this guy walked by, so drunkily i said "dont move, he cant see us if we dont move."
Currently standing on top of my parents leather couch with no pants on playing helicoptor with my penis. You?
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So I was gonna stay in tonight but the president got me motivated! I will not quit. Bars here I come.
I had a dream she was puking on me, but sadly in real life she was puking on me too
It's 1 AM and there's a guy outside my house belting out Bennie and The Jets. He stops in between verses to puke. I'm joining him.
all i wanna do is drink skittled vodka, fuck my gf, and pass out in my neighbors hot tub naked
He was spooning with the dog when I came home. Now shes afriad to go near him. Should I ask?
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Taking my underwear off at work was one of my better decisions this weekend
Btw I don't have words to express my appreciation at how many times you've had to be on a dirty bar bathroom floor for me in the past two weeks
I went to watch porn and there's already 3 Santa videos. Happy November 1st.
why is there a dog in my house with your initials shaved in it's fur?
dude, i just woke up in a house i've never seen. i have bigger problems
wasn't that the evening we made out with the girls from the dental school, drank 3000 beers, almost had to beat up a guy at the strip club and James nailed some hot piece of tail and took her OSU windbreaker, which my dad went on to wear multiple times after finding it in the garage.
Yes. To all of that. Yes.
Sorry for trying to wake you up by slapping your ass with a fruit 2 go.
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