We're facebook friends in real life
i am only reminding you that showing off your fellatio skills on vegetables is probably not an appropriate party trick
i know we're in college but you cant booty call me at 3 in the afternoon. i dont care how drunk you are.
Why would vodka do this to me? I've always been loyal
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just wanted to yell " i am not a shake weight!!"
Why am I a bad person? You were the one trying to get people to eat tape.
I JUST WANT TO WATCH PORN BUT THE CAT IS JUST SITTING HERE LICKING HIS BALLS. I CAN'T DO IT.
He asked me "did you used to go to church" while we were having sex.
I feel like all of the victims from Seven. Best birthday weekend ever.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yeah I had this grand plan to bring flaming dr pepper shots to some girls and say "these shots are hot, but not as hot as you" but instead I lit the bar on fire
You now have the mental image of me flying off into the sunset with no pants
HE FINALLY TEXT ME AND CALLED ME BY MY TWITTER NAME STAND BY FOR THE WEDDING INVITE, BRIDESMAID
I got propositioned to get involved with an engaged couple. I told them I didn't think my married couple would like me to see other couples...
Cat needed to get out last night. Walking to the door was too much effort so I encouraged (pushed) him to leave via window.
Isn't your room on the second floor?
He tried to do a JoJo pose and wound up breaking his wrist in the process. Truly a story for the ages.
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