marko just referred to some fat asian and a portly friend as Jupiter and one of its moons. unreal. hyte!
i chose cheese fries over sex for the third time this week.
I asked my mother if she peed on that chair, she said "not bad" There is no good level of pee on a chair.
i am pregamming alone in my car. scale of 1-10 how alcoholic is that
im pretty sure thats an 11
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just saw a girl leaving CVS on her bike with a case of beer. She tried to ride one handed with the case under her other arm and fell over off the sidewalk. I'm glad to see someone else's life is a bigger joke than mine.
I wouldnt endorse that guy if he was walking in a walkathon to raise money for a disease i had
it's like a walk of shame rule, you always run into someone who saw you wearing that yesterday
She twisted her ankle and paid a homeless guy for a piggy back ride home from the bar.
You did that scary laugh you always do when you're blacking out except she's never heard it before and though you were choking and screamed at all of us when we didn't call an ambulance
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Thanks for the viagra you gave me last night. I ended up getting called in to work to cover a shift. So I had to tell Kayla that I couldn't hang out and I had to try and hide my dick all night while walking serving people food all night.
It's hard to judge what a reasonable amount of cereal looks like in the spaghetti pot. We're out of cap'n crunch and milk.
My drug dealer just asked me to go see Les Mis on Christmas. Should I be worried this is some type of musical set-up?
When confronted with a choice of going home or fucking the band ALWAYS FUCK THE BAND!!
That's just how I roll. I drink, then tell people I'm either not wearing underwear or I'm training to be a stripper.
So...I know we have a conversation later this week. But one of the key things I want to know is if I can specify having my body mummified and buried in Egypt (or at least nearby the Luxor in Vegas). How much money do you think that would cost? Do I need to increase my life insurance policy?
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