i actually looked down at my cock today and said "whoa buddy, you need a haircut....(grimace) and a shower"
It's an Italian thing I guess, grew up on that shit.
I'm Irish, we don't eat cow guts unless they're blended into a fine whiskey
Is it bad that everytime I read or hear "Woo Hoo" I immediately think of sex because of The Sims?
my love horoscope just told me to "say it in frosting" should i take this literally?? i think yes.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
This guy at the party just introduced himself to me as "the guy who sat behind you on a plane last year"
I just had to give myself a pep talk to stop lying on my floor. Literally too hung over to function
I'm handcuffed to your bathroom sink. Save me.
I can now tell my grandchildren Central Park has really great spots for quickies...
Vague recollection of me ripping your shirt off at the bar... I hope I asked first, otherwise that's real rude.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have my vibrator between my thighs and I'm listening to high school musical. That kind of high. We're all in this together.
I'm running on 2 hours of sleep. Just spent 6 minutes staring at the back of my hand thinking: "I don't really know this that well"
I spent half an hour sculpting my pubes into a perfect triangle of really short hair, and the first thing he said when he saw it was "Don't you think you need a shave?"
If you find my integrity anywhere, please tell it to come back home
How was I supposed to know the accent was fake before i slept with him
I climbed on the arm of the futon, flapping my hand fan frantically and hissing imprecations at the smoke detector
Randomize