Firetruck pulls up, fireman jumps out n knocks on my door, asks "do you know where Johnny lives?"
I think getting shot is the thing to do in Brooklyn
And i quote: "where's y'alls from comin' in with them accents?" - from a mississipi mcdonalds
I think vodka calistinics prior to and during beer olympics was a bad idea
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just saw a guy in front of the courthouse giving himself a sobriety test and fail it...this can't end well
I Know I'm the drunk girl in the trunk right now, BUT PLEASE LISTEN TO ME!
I'm at about main and main street
I don't understand or I understand perfect - if were not talking about fried chicken I'm not sure what's happening.
I was trying to get everyone to go to the bar but I puked on my hands, so nobody took me seriously.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We smoked a blunt in a stall where a drag queen was fucking a bartender in the ass. So theres gonna be a second date :)
did i just see you in the movie theater carrying a margarita into Frozen?
All the 6 year olds are jealous of my alcohol
I never thought I would have to put a band-aid on my penis.
Just shared a bacon biscuit with my cat.... Life is weird for me right now
This girl in my class is lecturing my professor about zombies. It has been going on for 15 minutes.
Zombies?
Zombies.
Man it shouldn't be possible to get mad while you're stoned. I feel like ive broken one of the laws of physics
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