Never fear I pulled out... she had "lies about taking birth control" written all over her
It was just pointed out to me in a meeting that there is a lipstick stain on my crotch.
i gained so much weight this year, i put on my string bikini underwear and couldnt see the string anymore! i hate my life.
he just asked me if he could show me what he wanted to do to me using his action figures. where do i find these freaks?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i just unintentionally masturbated to my own facebook picture
You tried to tip the paramedic for finding you.
1. Sorry about making it snow. 2. If it left a mess, I will be over to clean it. 3. Can that fire extinguisher still be used? If not, I'll buy a new one. 4. I just wanted to make it snow!
I invited you and you fucked me in the face with the penis of disappointment and shit.
I had a 10 minute conversation with the refrigerator, it was telling me how it likes to be opened and closed. Ecstasy, I love you.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Day drinking! Today! (tomorrow too!) Our place! Whenever you get off work! Ready go!
Shut the fuck up. It's not the end of the world. Now come get your asshole bleached with me or we're not roommates anymore.
Last night you snap chatted some chick a pic of bottle service with the caption "send tits"
Blood everywhere...karaoke was nice
I'm gonna guess ur still high cus last night at like 3am my pillows were morphing into cats and I kept trying to pet them
I don't think meeting his drug dealers counts as a relationship landmark.
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