My friends, they love my intelligence
just to let you know I saw you texting some Kim chick, and facebook saying she's ugly... good job you're gay now
I go to guys houses late at night, have a little fun, come back by dawn having made their life a little bit better. I am the official blow job fairy.
So we went to home depot to buy supplies to build a beer bong but ended up buying an office water cooler that were going to put vodka in
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he kept doing his monologue, "if a vagina could talk."
We decided to go to McDs, but we only had a few minutes to make it to breakfast. We were sprinting full speed ahead when she tripped and you just yelled 'LEAVE HER' and kept your course.
I just scrubbed chocolate off the bathtub... You better have had a damn good birthday
Definitely just put my car on cruise control so I could stick my head out of the sunroof while driving to taco bell.
Well two things you gotta know if you're gonna live here. your alcohol tolerance is gonna need to go up, and people do blow. Get used to it. Nobody is gonna pressure you into it. That shits expensive
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Fucking shoot me with this y'all shit. You were in Texas for 2months you do not have an accent Madonna
Did body shots with a guy... Ended up being the ref of my volleyball game... So that's why we won
Fell asleep on kitchen floor again, chicken nuggets everywhere.
we need to tell them stories about when happens when we're sober so they think they know what they're in for when they're actually completely unprepared for whn happens when we get drunk
I baked a frozen pizza completely, put it back in the plastic and box, and put it back in the freezer. THAT drunk.
Something tells me tonight will end with me wearing my pants on my head again.
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