you kept yelling at her to "show me your genitals" until the bouncers told us to leave...at which point you showed them YOUR genitals...
please don't ever take me to a strip club again...
Oh my god. I'm sorry if i peed on you last nite. I am truly disgusting
Yeah well margarita Wednesday already came twice this week and it's just now Wednesday
I bought you a small gift as a preemptive apology for being a drunken slut tonight.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I found out his name. Apparently we sat in the shower together and flooded the bathroom.
literally just blacked in. Im watching what to expect when your expecting, eating pretzels and peanut butter, and I have someone's underwear around my neck.
I'm actually drinking gin and juice out of a floridas natural carton...so if that has any indication of how I'm doing
Went into Walmart to get a pregnancy test. Came out with a beta fish and chocolate.
Sex should not remind me of how baby birds get fed
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The spirit of America is being too hungover to celebrate America right?
So, Cheetos don't microwave great.
Yep that's the face of someone whose dick I would put in my mouth without hesitation
Made it to my hair appointment on time, and got some dick. Today is already a great day
IF THE SUNS NOT EVEN OUT THEN WHY IS HIS DICK OUT WTF
Oh, the accent alone guaranteed a bj. It was when he started drunkenly singing in PERFECT PITCH that I knew I was fucking him.
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