yes, too bad my tears were being wiped away by tits in my face
After 4 hours of foreplay he passed out and almost immediately peed in my bed. Naked. Like a fountain. Then tried to deny it in the morning by saying he just sweats a lot.
He looked me in the chest and said "I think I was visited by the titty fairy last night"
I woke up this morning really drunk with my Christmas lights on and two owls in my bed.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
After the VIP Latina experience at the strip club last night, I am rooting for Mexico in this years World Cup.
My cleaning lady just walked in the kitchen and i had a hardcore boner. I dont know what awkward is anymore
And the funny thing is when I went to the kitchen this morning, all 4 pizzas were still there in their boxes, untouched. My question to you is: what were we eating last night?
Dress was in bathroom covered in shards of glass, earrings on living room floor, bracelet still missing, purse in backyard. The cast of Princess Bride all left the bar to make sure I was ok. Perfect night
I need to keep a secret stash of instant alcoholic margaritas for when i deal with people. For example, right now, im grading, and I just don't fucking care any more. My students should make a thank you card for Jose Cuervo.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
all i remember is slapping you in the face with a slice of pizza while laughing maniacally.
Grateful to be alive soliciting dick pics. Thankful i'm alive for these little things and especially these big ones too.
I NEED A MOM FRIEND. NOW.
there's a 50/50 chance the night will end in alcohol-induced rituals of satanic nature
Someone had to wrestle her in the chocolate pool, I'm glad I was man enough to step up and do it
I just discovered my new vice. Cotton candy vodka. Its like a carnival in my mouth, puking of the tilt-a-whirl included.
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