im six kinds of drunk right now
Just tipped at a bar in cheerios. Suck it.
She kept saying 'I love you' but i couldn't tell if she was talking to me or to her beer.
gave you a haircut while you slept. Please don't kill me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i left the icescrapper in his bathroom. i dont remember taking it there, but i remember brushing his hair with it.
I have discovered that there is nothing that a giant penis attached to a southern accent can't talk me into. yee-haw!
Like there's an 87% chance I'll end up on the bedroom floor demanding sex while freestyling in your face. I'm going to buy rum.
I gave the naked guy in the hotel a pop tart. He stopped crying.
In the liquor store when a straight girl and a gay guy were just arguing about who hooked up with the same guy first.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
do you think your dog feels awkward being in the background of your nudes?
You should frame my arrest warrant.
Was i rolling around in a parking lot last night
I fell asleep while eating jimmy johns last night and then woke up at 5am and continued to eat it
holy shit I was not prepared for her to whip out that dildo
Just walked out of the train bathroom after having sex and got a round of applause from the passengers. Definitely the best part of the trip.
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