everytime she opens her mouth i wish that i was deaf
All I can tell you is you will need a rain slicker for tonight's festivities. Any clothes underneath would be highly frowned upon as well.
Omg!!!! Call me in the morning I just saw A stripper queef out a dollar
I'm already mentally preparing myself for the fact that I'll probably be sleeping next to a toilet.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm kinda amazed by how many times I've texted the word penis today.
I think this agreement was sent by God. I get to do my own thing, get laid, and he still makes me breakfast in the morning.
Partying with them is like having your dick stapled to your left nostril
Just wanted to say a big ole FUCK YOU for coming out to mom the day before I have to drive with her for 6 hours. Ass hat.
Just had empanadas for breakfast while watching Wall-e with my yesterday's one night stand mother AND grandmother.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He's taking me to Tao. This is going to be so weird. How do you go on a first date with a guy that has seen you naked more times than clothed?
My actions are not mine. They are the actions of Patron.
Thursday is not a good day to become a felon... It's bingo night
*jedi mind trick* you want to go down on me
Look, he's a hot korean guy with a motorcycle and a great ass. I'm gonna do head-titingly kinky shit with him.
Remember that pair of super cute shorts I pooped in? I miss those 😔
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