I just had to have my mom look at my penis to figure out what it was. How do you think my day is going?
this morning i woke up with my panties on and i knew where i was. success.
Did we have sex last night or did we just wake up naked covered in oil?
Hurry there's a dancing lesbian. She's a jumper and has impeccable jazz hands.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just want to point out that nothing makes my hickie/hangover more obvious than sleeping in a scarf and sunglasses. nothing.
I like how he had to correct himself in stating that I was the fat one in the threesome.
I had a moment while I was smoking where I was looking at these palm trees and I knew how dr Seuss came up with his characters.
It's called "lets see how many European capitals we can do the walk of shame through in one year"
So topless strobe light beer pong turned into me rugby tackling a bitch to the ground.my tits will never forgive me for sacrificing their majesticness for responsibility
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Topenga is going to be back on TV. Finally my fantasy of her being a milf in junior high has come full circle.
Drunk girl in a bikini just tried to bite my face, it's officially spring break
So Doritos and vodka was obviously not as good an idea as I thought at the time.
Watching the blind side bc I need a good cry to make sure I'm still human after this weekend's questionable life choices
Fuck. What bets did I make about "yeah when the Cubs win the World Series" that I gotta reneg on????
Im crying watching 9/11 footage eating spray can cheese in my pajamas.
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