Are you dead
Yes
Oh man
Someone fed me too many chicken nuggets and sexed me too hard
I want the hot one, scratch that. anyone.
Hallmark should totally make "congratulations on getting your period" cards...I feel they would be quite popular.
i forgot to tell you that olivia sent me a text yesterday that the mormon girl got caught with weed in her vagina at school
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just fucked in his moms tanning bed. While it was on. Weirdest. Tan. Ever.
I think I may have appendicitis, but the house is like two blocks from the hospital so I'm just gonna go and drink anyway.
He was at the bottom of the stairs showering himself with the popcorn, then eating a few handfuls and running around.
he fucked me so hard i could feel my pelvis shifting. like i legit feel more prepared for childirth now
Remind me to call McDonald's to give a good review of Ruth. She truly demonstrated grace under pressure.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Are you considering all the consequences of doing your boss or are you just rationalizing with your vagina?
Dude your life.. At your sugar daddies house sending nudes to your fwb
She just sent me a message. It's a poem, about eternal love, that she wrote, about us. Just because I took her home two nights - doesn't mean it's eternal love.
Like, defending PBR and Bio Dome consumes a lot of my time.
He wants to buy me a wedding ring and pretend to be married to someone else when we fuck. It actually makes me wet thinking about it.
You asked me how red your eyes were... they were shut.
Randomize