Just saw a midget shotgun a coors light
Best news ive heard all week. The cougars r coming! The cougars are coming!
Im am drinking whisky alone in my parents basement. I think I just watched the point of no return stroll by.
other girls like to lick balls but none of them live for it like u do
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just ate applesauce I laced with percocets for dinner. I'm pretty sure my grandmother does the same thing.
just snorted lines off a mancala board. I'm destined to win this game.
Theres also beggin' strips and a dog bone in the corner...nooo signs of there being a dog though.
I just saw a dude sitting IN a bush, weeping and playing a harmonica. I hope your day is going better than his.
during charades she pointed to herself and you guessed 'girl who wants to fuck me'
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just saw a hooker eating a pastrami sandwich walking down beach blvd blowing kisses to traffic. My day = made
Halloween is the only night where I would ever end up getting a guy's makeup all over my face
I'm ok. I've got the pantsless-with-dignity thing down pat
Downloaded the Pocket Penguin app. There are now penguins living in my phone. Technology is wonderful.
While having sex, a German accent isn't sexy.
"The More You Know"
Some girls wake up to good morning texts. I wake up to pictures of an angry Shrek getting a blowjob.
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