i told him he had the best dick i've ever seen. then supposedly i kept repeating "peter piper picked the perfect penis"
i bought a pregnancy test with dimes. Is that trashy?
he came up my nose again i swear he does this just to piss me off
He introduced me to his parents as the girl he made out with on Thursday night...
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I swear to god, if you fuck the hot one you're paying me back for the shot I just bought her
Yep I can make a seagull sound. It's identical. I tried it. They thought I was talking to them. It's pretty cool.
Drunk yet?
Well I just did the worm on an empty dance floor while the bridesmaids were serving cake. You tell me.
Whoops. I'm a horrible gf, I dropped the "I'm looking for jobs in a different city" bomb before I wished him a happy anniversary
I think I have to break up with him. I just cried, not moaned, screamed, etc, cried, with tears of sadness and disappointment when I came.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Oprah Winfrey is a jealous, vengeful god
You're going to hell! And you're going to hell! And you! And you. You're all going to hell!!!
she has that "i will punish you like your mom did" vibe, i think guys like that.
MY INSIDES ARE BASICALLY BEING WRUNG BY A CHAINSAW IM NEVER TAKING PLAN B AGAIN
Headphones came off my phone same time as The Weeknd sang "Who's gonna fuck you like me?"...Everyone at work heard it.
There's a kitten on my face and I'm druuuunk
I burned my tit while he banged me and it was still the best kitchen sex EVER!!!
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