I am really glad that on the inside of a card from your grandparents you have transcribed the rules for circle of death
I just made a moltov cocktail out of lubricant and a christmas bulb. The fire is still going strong. MERRY CHRISTMAS
the best part is my dad got arrested for the same thing at the same bar 30 years ago... so he cant be mad
I just need you there to slap my dick when im flirting with her
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
lets be honest. she's not NEARLY as much fun to fb creep since she got out of rehab...
i will see naked twins by the end of the night. that's all i know
I can't see straight with both eyes and ive only been at the bar for an hour. Someone else typed this for me.
Some guy seriously just got Jimmy Johns delivered to him at the graduation ceremony. This cannot be real life.
Apparently I texted my high school english teacher asking her to tell me what logical fallacies she taught us three years ago.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hey that girl we tagged team last night invited me to her birthday on Facebook, remind me to be sick that day.
I though us hooking up in the field was your way of saying you were an outdoors person
This is even better than the wine from my laundry basket
I'll just tell you, some how when we were having sex on Friday my collarbone got fractured.
A respectable fucking: good but like I don't want to get kicked out of my hotel room
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
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