and yes, the jail cell in Citi Field does have a big Mets symbol in it
Just saw him riding in a basket on the front of a bike trying to feed the other guy beer. He screamed 'PARTY BIKE BITCHES!' at me as they rode past.
I lied. He's hitting on a drag queen now. Should I rescue him or take pictures?
yeah, i found the sharpie that everyone use to sign my tits last night. its dead.
Today I'm judging my level of singleness on a scale of one to eat-a-can-of-frosting. It's not looking good for me.
Ooooh. Get funfetti
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Also what is the name of Americas thing where we had a holy obligation to expand westward? I'm going name my new lighter that.
I think I'm goin to jail but either way I had a blast.
However today I got my lube that might I add was dripping out of the box. I'd like to think my mailman was mixing business with pleasure.
we were sitting in the kitchen and you kept biting my shoulder saying "itll all be over soon"
Jacked up my neck and shoulder hanging on for dear life while I rode him like a boss. Plus my house smells like broccoli, bad! How's YOUR morning?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Also, there's the possibility of falling 5 feet to your death to make it more exciting
In which case I will yell FIVE SECOND RULE and continue to slam you
Next time a random bus filled with santas pulls up to the bar, I'm not getting on it.
Getting drunk in an Applebee's pray for me
Lord god protect this child
I woke up hugging my purse and I found a business card in my underwear. How?
"suitors" is just a nice way of her saying "the guys i'm fucking"
he told me I was hypnotizing him with my mouth so I guess I do give good head
Randomize