pissed the bed twice, first one side then rolled over , other side. boom.
Dry humping a girl for an hour and then jizzing in your pants doesn't count as losing it.
And then the cop told me my court date was on 4/20. I said come onn u really gunna do me like that
Finished drinking tea out of a red party cup when I was done I flipped it without even thinking
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I never once brought up his unibrow when he was insulting me. That's class.
wait do you know what youre gonna say if they ask how youre getting back?
yes. helicopter.
Rode a jet ski for the first time three days after I lost my virginity. Hell of a week for my vagina.
Fyi when u order four mini bottles of scotch on a 45 min flight. The flight attendants jaw drops to the floor.
Hahaahaah I keep finding little notes you left me on my physics notes... "TOO HIGH FOR BIRDS"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Alright we have to be drunk.before noon tomorrow. Its a new law i just got passed through congress. It goes into effect imediately
Almost caused a huge accident on the highway because I was distracted by how orange the road barrels were
He kept asking for nudes so I sent him a picture another guys dick. He called me ruthless.
His mom said he was in the ER and asked for prayers and positive thoughts. Apparently, me wishing the clap on him is not what she had in mind.
I don't care if it's 2 inches or 20 I mean dick is dick
it's like he didn't even know what a vagina was
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