Reflecting on last night, I'm not sure if making out with a 43 y/o married woman at Bernie's after the Cubs game was my best life decision...
He has some good qualities. Beneath the layers of asshole and fat.
why do our vaginas work when we are blacked out?? it's just not fair.
he put a lighter in my cleavage and said "you're like another pocket!"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm just trying to jam my tits into some coconuts and I'll be on my way
What if we had a smart house and we could just say "baked" and it would rain donuts?
So im on with some ukrainian stripper for a vodka tasting tomorrow. If I die tell my family im awesome
There was a bottle of vodka and chips in a vase next to the bed
We're both on the slippery slope toward middle age...and really shame riddled bar experiences
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So I did end up texting him last night... I asked him how he felt about haircuts... not sure where I was going with that one?
It's not that I even wanna fuck these guys anymore, just cuddle that's all. My conscience has never been so proud.
She told me her last name, which as you know is my #1 turn-off.
I just had sex with the kid I walked next to at my first holy communion
Yeah, he fractured his ass by doing a canon ball into the bath tub....
Like honey no, I’m getting groceries while pretending that having sexy talk with you is turning me on
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