also, i may or may not be wearing a cape right now. hint: i am.
my grandma was just praying before dinner, and before she could finish my gpa lifted his glass and said 'and here's to avatar!'
margarita scented body wash shouldn't be used the morning after cuervo. there should be a warning on the label.
any advancement on the stomach flu vs. pregnancy scare of '10?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My dermatologist just asked me, "what happened here?" referring to the bruising on my nipples. I told her I walked into a door. Thanks for that awkward moment.
i mad aa ber float. budweiser nd ice creem. it amzig.
i dont care. it has been a 14 hour day, and we are all celebrating by alternating shots and grilled cheese.
he's speaking broken english and calling me isaac.. this is not the australian i ordered for a one nighter
Remember when I got my car stuck in my backyard?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
When my parents ask if I met any nice guys in California, I'm going to answer, "No, but I have gone home with alot of nice girls". Too much, too soon?
I'm beer bonging chocolate fondue. That's how my Valentines Day is going.
Well his dad is my dentist so they've both been in my mouth.
almost dropped my phone in the toilet but it somehow bounced off my tit and landed on the floor. Boobs: saving me hundreds of dollars in bar tabs and smartphones since '09
God does not give you boobs that amazing to not share them with your friends
I miss seeing you
i hope for the sake of your safety you were not with your girlfriend while sending texts like that at 3 am
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