I think condoms have that nasty latex smell to remind you in the morning of how gross you are.
bang him and never speak to him again. also, queef in his face.
i dont this its possible to queef on command.
Just got my period. I'm not pregnant with Scott's child and I won't be having any sex tonight. This must be what they mean by bittersweet.
just wanted to thank u for shitting in my dads bidet last night. i had to manually scoop ur shit out of it. btw ur dumped.
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he would probably call me "ma'am" when he's inside me. people love saying weird shit inside me.
how many times in life can you be kicked out of a pizza buffet for vomiting on the food and insulting small children
she kept her crown on the whole time i was giving her birthday sex
Thats the last thing I remember and then I woke up in this Dutch kids dorm and he was taking a picture of me while I was sleeping
Tonights theme there is the 7 deadly sins. Greed, envy, sloth, gluttony, sluttiness, fellatio and vodka.
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I'm tangled in a fishing net down at the harbor. This has nothing to do with Captain Morgan. Bring wirecutters.
This is the third time that ive slept with him. He bought me more milk. I can feel the romance growing.
Don't feel bad sweetie, you're not the only classy one in town. I'm still driving around with that tupperware of tequila in my cup holder from last week's Margarita Monday.
Alive.
So much puke
The worst part about living in a small town is partying with your pharmacist and then having to buy Plan B from him the next morning.
Can you come over?
Sex??
Sure but there’s also a squirrel in my garage I need you to take care of.
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