Guess who has two thumbs, loves booze, and just dug half a handle of rumb out of a trash can in a freshmen dorm? This classy gentleman. Good day to you sir!
Turns out "bordello" doesn't mean what I thought it did.
Dude dan is so baked he taped his remote to the futon so he couldn't lose it again. Come over here
You found Muppets From Space a little too intense, so you just sorta sat on the ground and stared at the wall plug for an hour and a half.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Why do I feel like that's not the first time you've drank champagne with someone dressed as a unicorn?
Lets start the night off early. Those Coronas arent going to throw themselves up.
I just told the toilet I loved it. Bad sign.
All you had to say was "damn dude that looks fun, I miss ice fishing." But you sent a picture of poop. Classy
My concierge just asked me to his place for dinner while I was signing for a delivery. The delivery was a box of vibrators. Let's discuss.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Below this exterior of ice is a layer of cum. Followed by a pool of gin. More cum. Then, finally a heart.
Like don't initiate a threesome when we're all watching SPONGEBOB. That's like sacrilege.
Man I sound like a slutty Mormon
When I met you, I was just like "who the fuck is this drunk chick throwing up on my bed?" But I'm glad we're friends now
I was running because his wife invited me to join them on their kinky Vegas weekend. Crossing state lines is too much commitment for me.
Quick question: now that you've broken up, should I also delete the nudes your boyfriend sent me while you were together??
Randomize