He fucking owes me dinner after I gave him head under the deck behind the bar.
Brickbreaker makes my post drinking poops that much better. Sorry, I had to tell someone who might agree.
DOES ANYONE KNOW THE NINJA TURTLES
I'm a fake celebrity on twitter. I need a life.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I spent all day at the mall with her, then she made me actually watch a walk to remember then decided to tell me she was on her period. This one is either really crafty or I am really desperate.
We made a drinking game out of Project Runway. Gay guys are so fun.
it wasn't sex so much as.....a disastrously uncomfortable sexual experience
After so many times of carrying your puked covered clothes home in a bag on a Tuesday morning, you begin to realize that Fucked Up Mondays aren't a real thing.
Can you come get Dustin he's putting taco bell fire sauce on cigarettes trying to light them again.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My arrest report says I was found in midtown "performing lewd and lascivious acts on top of art meant for public display and enjoyment".
I need to reevaluate. My boss gave me drug money. I overslept on my couch. And I had my student teacher go to McDonald's and get an egg mcmuffin for me.
Oh no that was the time I did the walk of shame with no shoes
My Sundays are fucking awful. Can't get a blow job.....can't get a win.
Man I sound like a slutty Mormon
So I have now fucked both my roommates...This is why I can’t live with men.
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