so that wasnt chicken after all
have you facebook stalked him yet?
No, I don’t know his last name...
Just google his license plate numb
I woke up next to her this morning and couldn't remember her name. Luckily, she had written it on my hand so that I could add her on facebook.
he kept asking me if i had been in a pool or a lake recently, i didnt want to say i know where the swimmers ear came from. shower sex.
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When I woke up I had three missed calls from the name 'dream krystals'.... If I remember correctly she was the lady at the drive thru at Krystals and her name was Dream.. She wanted to come to the strip club with us... Do you remember?
Dude this breakup has officially hit rock bottom. sitting around watching women's NCAA basketball instead of going out
time for you to cut the loving, understanding, non-judgmental crap and say/do whatever it takes to make sure I never, ever, ever sleep with him again ever
We met some guy at the beach, and dug a hole with him. He invited us to "come back at night and smoke a blunt in this hole"
i got kicked out of McDonald's for demanding a margarita mcflurry
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Nobody will take a lit match to your nipple without warning you this time. Pinky swear.
Sometimes I look at her and just start choking. She is that much of an evil entity.
I am now picking what guy I will hang out with based on how many Pokémon they live near.
If you gave someone an std. would you say a muffin basket, a candy gram or an edible arrangement is a better choice to send them?
should i be that dick who brings a carpet in an uberpool
Why are you moving a carpet?
it's unimportant
I should have robbed the cradle years ago. Turns out 21 year old boys can cum and still fuck me silly a minute later. My vagina feels like it just won a car from Oprah!
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