There comes a time in every man's life where he has to shit in a catbox to prove a point.
You watched "From Justin to Kelly" and sang along to more than half of the songs. I didn't know whether to laugh or to be insanely frightened that you knew almost all the lyrics.
I don't think there's a better bc pill reminder then when teen mom comes on
Then we managed to set a grill and all 24lbs of meat on it on fire. I didn't help because I was filled with alcohol and extra flammable.
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Dude, I found another chunk missing out of my tooth. Fuck drinking on tuesdays.
After all you put him through, I think it was only right that you saluted the bartender when you left.
I'm sorry for coming into your work place and trying to smuggle you out in my purse.
This is my transition from small talk texts to booty call texts. Coming over?
Quite the smooth talker. There in 5.
I know it's not technically the "Mile High Club" but we def need a name for the airport bathroom. Cuz that just happened.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Blonde girl lying face-down, passed out next to my bed, walls are covered in guacamole. College is looking excellent.
Don't worry, I'm preparing for tonight by lining my purse with a garbage bag.
They wont sell alcohol here on election day! HOW THE FUCK DO THEY EXPECT ME TO ENJOY THE ELECTION SOBER?
For context, I was hiding under the pong table mooing at everyone by that point.
I just literally had a dance party in my closet. I've never been this blazed.
I'm taking a shower and i'm gonna bring my pocketknife with me
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