I'm gonna do things to you that will make the neighbors want to move.
I want the hot one, scratch that. anyone.
ok 1 i realized people actually live in central wisconsin and 2 culvers could be a good place to pick up chicks today
I wish life was like dora the explorer where dancing pigs appear out of nowhere to solve your problems for you
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm sitting in front of the mirror eating cereal and pondering how my boobs got so big
Welcome to my life
The fish's death was accidental. We all said a few words at his funeral. Roomie wanted to play only the good die young as he swirled down the toilet bowl
This is John, I met you downtown last night.
Oh, ok.
This is the cop that kept you out of trouble last night
You should hear the lecture my mom just gave me about cooking pizzas when im drunk because "I could have died".
I vote we get high and sneak off to McDonald's to get mcflurries.
YES. ALL MY YES.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He wanted me to choke him with my feet. So now I feel obligated to start writing my memoir
That portion can talk about stepping out of your comfort zone and how it can potentially kill people
One day I'm gonna have to send my roommate a "sorry I got high and forgot you were in the room and masturbated next to you" fruit basket
After my second liter of German beer, nothing D-cup or larger is safe near me.
I will pepper spray him so fast I don't even care
You rolled over grabbed my crotch and said "that's my waffle." I'm sleeping on the couch next time.
There are footprints all over my windshield
You said you were making waffles...
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