i have a new swear word: supercalifuckaliciousexpialadamnit
our landlord thinks we're weird & alcoholics. he came in to fix our broken tub and saw the laundry door on our table for beer pong, the garbage bag full of empty fifths, and that one armed baby on the doorstep. plus he saw us swimming and yargging in our pirate pool that one time.
may have given a homeless man 70 dollars in exchange for his sandals. so yea, i'm going as jesus for next halloween.
he got a charlie horse midthrust which triggered my orgasm we're still sorting this out.
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He ended up walking out of his bedroom and told me to look at the nonexistent fire he was holding in his hand. Im upset I didn't take those shrooms.
i climbed out of the bath tub this morning and found him taped to the treadmill
He pulled his pants down and said blow me, while passing out on my bed. I then pulled his pants up as he continuously started moaning in the background.
He came over hammered at four in the morning with roses trying to get me back when my new fling opened the door he just stood there crying for 40mins even after we closed the door
He has an accent when he types. I can *hear* the schnitzel. Especially when he's drunk.
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I ditched my one night stand in the hotel lobby. How did he add me on Snapchat?
I might go bald with this hair pulling thing every night.
I'm not well. Although it could be worse.
My cousin is so hungover she quit her job.
like sometimes I wish I was allergic to latex so I wouldn't have sex with so many people..
This sucks! All of the twenty something dick I was getting went home when the university closed
He’s disease free and drives a Porsche. What else does a girl need?
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