If I ever start a band I'm gonna name it "Nancy Reagan's Vagina"
recess is on disney at 4 in the morning, insomnia has never been so rewarding
U shoulda just taken her to a stall and banged her and let me watch the game. Some friend u r.
The prostitute across the street from us is having a seizure on her front lawn again.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He just lit his joint with the tiki torches around his pool. He is definitely coming to my future parties
I have jerked off in every room in your house. *the more you know
My parents don't seem to understand that all I want to do over break is smoke in bed and watch Workaholics.
Chipotle. Because when you've had diarrhea for 6 days why not just make it 7
We're having play-off hate sex for a sport I don't even understand. Go USA!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Did you cry?
I don't think so. I definitely lost my cool though
Yeah i think jesus would lose his cool in that situation
He showed up to a booty call with 2 tea bags, but no condom...
I need a beard to bite.
i said cake fell into my bra, you stood up and yelled "Im coming soldier", leaped acrossed the couch and started motorboating my boobs. i would have been cool with it if your mom didnt keep calling me the "lesbiainizer"
Yeah apparently i called the bartender a "fucking prison warden" after she took my keys and called me a cab
The sex would be better if it wasn’t interrupted because his home detention ankle monitor needed charging. At least I know he’s not cheating on me
Do you even hear yourself?
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