I woke up covered in my own vomit with a pocket full of napkins. I guess I knew I would need them, but was not coherent enough to use them before passing out.
He told me I had nice tits + they have a great shape. + then proceeded to flatten my boob + show me what the gross tits he's seen look like.
I was still in a towel. We hadn't even started drinking yet and the champagne bottle dropped and exploded literally up into my vagina.
You scratched my dick last night. It deserves an apology and I fell that actions speak louder than words when it comes to apologies like this.
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Everything's a blur with pockets full of jello
YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL.
Of dear god, I've been waiting to have rug burn like this since I got bored of my vibrator 2 months ago
Okay. thanks for sacraficing your body and risking aids for our snowcone business.
Today marks the 365th consecutive day of jerkin it. I couldn't have done it without you guys. #onlynewyearsresolutionaccomplished
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I'll make some time for you! I don't know how long you need to get off, but I should only need 2-7 minutes, pending what kind of socks I have on.
I told her I was dressed as a gag reflex judge.....she won, literally hands down.
Also I feel I should tell you last night when I came home I fell into my laundry hamper and woke up in a pile of my clothes
We've had gay sex and pie, the holiday season has officially begun.
I swear to god he thought my ass was a bag of wine last night.
whole 5th of capt = waking up in the shower after 2 hours and the whole house asking why i'm STILL in a towel. and me having nothing to say
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