did i leave my keys in your car? BTW: sorry for throwing that drink on your date.
I'm not looking forward to the waking up early part. Or actually the wedding part. Or the reception part. But I am looking forward to the meaningless sex with some random guy I meet at the reception part.
is not sure whether or not everyone at the club last night calling me a-easy is a good thing?
my left tit made it into the crop job on your profile pic, I knew it was good for other things
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I wish pancakes were everywhere. Just pancakes. I want lilies at my wedding. No dress. Just priest. Just lilies.
The jerky fairy visited my fridge. It's glorious.
Parents said they were cutting off my AmEx card. So I immediately went up to the liquor store and purchased $550 of booze before it was canceled. I'm expecting your arrival in 30 minutes.
How was my weekend? I just blew my nose and a gram of coke fell out. My weekend was fantastic.
She took one look at my hardon and said, "You have a dick built for anal."
That wasn't a compliment.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Cute boy and deffffff wearing a HS shirt. I am getting too old to be inaccurate.
I'm pretty stoned, and for a second I forgot that I'm not actually Barbie and I was getting excited about all the fun we were going to have on my jet.
My very favorite thing in the whole world is when guys try to booty call her as I'm fucking her. Sucks to suck.
Didn't realize he fucked me in a bed a dog is always in until my face swelled two sizes and I had hives all over my body. This is God's way of punishing me for having amazing sex.
I made a booty call at 3:30 am on a Monday... I think I just became the ultimate female fuckboy. I don't know whether to be ashamed or get myself a trophy.
I smell like a mix of alcohol, sweat, and sex and its only 10 AM
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