At Coney Island the sign for the rollercoaster The Cyclone says, "Make sure your glasses and weave are secure."
you should wait a day or two to break up with your girlfriend
why?
so we can have sex in the meantime. It adds a little excitement.
soo apparently i was out of money so i stayed in the bathroom for an hour-ish passing out paper towels for money..needless to say i got kicked out
I've never been 12-exclamation-point-excited for sex. That must have been good.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
That drug basically just makes anything that's in your mouth awesome
advice for life: when the cop takes your tallboy, don't ask for your coozy back
Things I love twice as much when drunk: Taco Bell. Office chairs that roll. Classes.
My boobs grew. They knew we were going to vegas.
God forbid we drive unregistered mopeds without license plates on a pedestrians only sidewalk without goggles while flipping off passing cars.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Worst case scenario, I put a giant cork in your vagina so you don't give birth before my birthday
So apparently when I'm drunk and want water I pant like a dog and expect to have water given to me..
You don't know true terror until you get stuck in a porta potty while frying your face off.
I ended up changing her contact in my phone to "O Great Potato".
I lost my wolf penis dildo in my garage. I should probably find it before I resume my garage sale tomorrow...
There's even glitter on my cock...
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