I woke up this morning and thought "Im sure I've seen this house in a porno" and instantly googlemapped myself
last night you decided it was time to "get organized" and "straighten out your life." You pulled out a bag of troll dolls, sorted through them and got nostalgic. You demanded both andy and i take one and keep it forever.
whats the proper etiquette for returning a closet door to a random girl you met and do not know her name?
we just finished making mockaritas... then we prayed
god you guys know how to party
worst. bachelorette party. ever.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
A baby just go on our party bus. What. The. Fuck.
I walked in on you eating olive oil off of a plate. you gave me this look and I just started crying. we were that drunk.
Ive made peace with the fact that i will accomplish nothing except liver damage today
Sorry I didn't take you making out with him all night as a hint you wanted nothing to do with him...
My costume for the end of the world party was a success. Everyone in the ER thought I was there because I got hit by a car when it was actually from alcohol poisoning.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Naked. naked and bneed help.
You mistakenly try to piss in a cactus bush ONE TIME and are forever dubbed cactus ass
I just set my acrylic nail on fire while trying to light my blunt
I mean we don't talk anymore but I still see him around wearing that sweater he stole from me after we had sex
He wants me to fart in his mouth and is offering me SOOOO much coke. I'm stuck between a rock and a hard place. GIVE ME ADVICE.
Dude, you need to come and get her. She's sitting on the bathroom floor making hearts with her menstrual blood. And remind me never to let her do jello shots again
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